Dear slow walker, I sincerely cannot stand you. It’s true that I don’t hold any hatred for anybody, not in my tender, bleeding heart; and yet I can still find the strength to despise you. If I was stranded in a desert with enough physical energy left to either call for help or yell at a slow walker, let’s just say I’m not getting saved. When I am old, my mind weak and body frail, I may forget the names of my loved ones as my memory fades. Even then, I won’t forget the plight you created in the hallways of South High School.

When I say “slow walker,” I’m talking about the groups who block the entire hallway. I’m talking about people who can’t walk in a straight line. I’m talking about people who look down at their phone and clearly are unable to multitask enough to push their legs forward faster than 1 mile per hour. For the people who make it impossible to navigate, do better. I realize that I have made transgressions in the past, but I am not psychotic enough to continue the cycle of misery in this school. I’m not saying slow walkers are evil; love the sinner, hate the sin. But, dear slow walker, I’m asking you to speed up now so the rest of us can live in peace.